My husband doesn’t say “I love you,” much. In the 25 years that we have been married, I would guess he’s said it maybe 30 times, and rarely without prompting from me.
Up until recently, this has really bugged me. Who wouldn’t be bugged by that! If you love someone you should say it. Right?
But Jeff’s not like that. He doesn’t write me poetry or send me flowers. He doesn’t kiss me before going off to work in the morning, or end our phone conversations with “love you.” He just doesn’t.
Years ago I used to think the reason for this was obvious. If he didn’t say “I love you” that must mean he didn’t. Seemed logical. But that didn’t make sense. If he didn’t love me, why did he stick around? Why did he provide for us and why did he appear to like to do stuff with me? Why did he give me back rubs, and go on walks with me? Why did he talk with me about important family decisions, and tell me stories about when he was a kid, and listen to me tell him stories about anything and everything I was thinking about? To put it simply, why has he stayed faithful, in good times and in bad times, unless he truly loves me?
The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Nowhere does it say, “Love says ‘I love you’ on a regular basis.”
On the contrary, here’s what God has to say in 1 John 3:18:
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
Jeff may not say it in words or speech, but he loves me. I see it in his actions and I know it’s true.
So I’m not going to let it bug me any more. If I don’t hear him say it out loud in the next 25 years, that’s okay. I know the truth. He loves me. His actions say it loud and clear.
