Sunday, July 25, 2010

Vacation


Hello, everybody! How are you all doing today? I’m great! Why? Because I’m writing to you from the comfort of the family’s lake home…a junky old trailer about a 5 minute walk from the shores of beautiful Lake Minnie Belle in South Central Minnesota. We’re on vacation and having a wonderful time.

It’s about 8:00 am now, and I’m quite certain I’m the only one up. My guests this trip are 6 teenagers: my daughter Danica, who is 17, her 18-year-old boyfriend, Kyle, my youngest, Zack – age 15, and 3 of his 15-year-old buddies.

Since the kids were up till 2:00 am playing Infection (a sort of tag played in the dark with flashlights) I don’t expect any of them to come to life for at least a few more hours. This gives me time to relax and reflect on the joys of being on vacation. To me, the coolest thing about being on vacation is that you don’t have to do much of anything, or at least, you don’t have to do the stuff you usually have to do when you’re at home.

I suppose most of you reading this are quite familiar with the concept. But it’s sort of a new thing for me. Growing up the daughter of a dairy farmer, vacations were things other families took. Not us. Then I married Jeff, aka “Mr. No-Fun,” and the pattern continued. But after my parents retired from farming, and moved into their brand new house – complete with a guest room, foldout couch, and Whirlpool tub, I decided it was time to pack up my kids and go for a visit… an event I called, “a vacation.” And it was!

We made full use of their bathtub as if it were the hotel swimming pool. Rides on the lawn mower with Grandpa were as exciting to my little ones as any amusement park attraction. And for those three days I didn’t have to cook anything! It was heavenly.

But what I remember most about that first vacation is what I observed of my parents. I’d never seen anything like it. As soon as I got home I told Jeff. “Do you know what my parents do all day? (pause for emphasis) Anything they want!”

I could only imagine a life like that. No diapers to change. No fights over toys to break up. No bedtimes to enforce. No endless fatigue thinking about the endless list of endless duties. When I shared this with my mom she just smiled and said simply, “Life has different stages. You’ll be like us one day too.”

I found it difficult to imagine. Being able to take a bath without worrying about what disasters might ensue in your absence. Being able to sit down and read an entire chapter of a book without interruption. It was inconceivable. But then I began to think…What would I do if I had… say 1 or 2 hours to myself each day? How would I spend them? The possibilities were endless. I could learn a foreign language, train for a 5-k, write a novel, volunteer at a local thrift store, learn to cook!

Well, I made a promise to myself then and there: If and when I do have time to myself someday, I’m not going to waste a minute of it.

That was 14 years ago, and just like my mother predicted, my life has changed quite a bit since then. I’m no longer the mom of 4 young children. Now I have 2 teens at home, and 2 young adults already flown the coop. And even though I thought it would never happen, I actually do have tons of free time (sometimes up to 5 or 6 hours each day) to do whatever I want.

So, I guess the big question is, have I kept my promise? Do I value my free time, and “not waste a minute of it?” Mostly, yes. Sure, there are a few activities I indulge in that the old Linette may not have approved of. But I haven’t forgotten that promise, or the hectic phase of my life that motivated me to make it. I realize that having those free hours is a blessing, and I try to manage them the best I can. Looking at the list a few paragraphs up, I’m pleased to say I’ve pretty much achieved all of those goals and then some. All it takes is a clear objective, a well conceived plan of action, and the determination to keep at it.

But not this weekend. This weekend I’m on vacation. For the next 2 days I can do (or not do) pretty much whatever I want! Yep. Even the old Linette would agree. Vacations are good.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Love and Marriage

I’m dedicating this first blog to my husband Jeff. As of last Monday, we have been married 24 years. I suppose I should have posted this blog on July 12th, but in the first place, I didn’t have a blog then, and in the second place, that was just two days after my oldest daughter’s wedding and I was still recovering.

But having been married for a score and four years, and because I recently watched the love of my life walk our firstborn down the aisle, I have a few things to say about love and marriage.

Love.

They say “love is blind.” I’m not sure who “they” are, but I have it under good authority (the Bible) that true love “keeps no record of wrongs.” When you’re in love you see the object of your affection through a strange filtering system. You think their laugh is adorable, their eyes are amazing, and every crazy idea they suggest is brilliant. If your loved one wrongs you in any way, all it takes is one heartfelt apology and you believe they’ll never fail you again.

If I wasn’t in love with Jeff the first time he kissed me, I knew I soon would be. That kiss knocked me off my feet. And then he asked for another, and I was a goner.

About a year after that first kiss the filtering system began to malfunction and I came to realize we had nothing in common. I sang in the choir. He couldn’t carry a tune. I loved to dance. He refused. I had a clever sense of humor and told wonderfully exciting stories. He didn’t.

I told him all this in a crying fit one night and stomped off to my dorm room, certain our relationship was over. He called me the next day as if the “conversation” never happened. (I guess love is deaf too.) We were engaged a few months later.

Marriage.

The very fact that Jeff and I are as different as night and day is, ironically, the secret to our happy marriage. Just think about it. Would you want to be married to a person who is as poor (or terrific) with money as you are? Someone as funny (or boring) as you are? The good news is God wired us in such a way that we are rarely attracted to people just like us. Shy people fall in love with outgoing people. Disorganized people go for the A types, and funny people need an audience! That’s why I ended up with Jeff. “He completes me.”

In spite of this, living with a person who is good at everything you’re not has its drawbacks. I often find myself back in that “we have nothing in common” mindset. It’s inevitable. But then I remind myself, “This is what marriage is all about.”

My daughter found this quote recently: “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?” She thought it was funny. I thought it accurately described the downfall of most marriages. You have to be willing to take your spouse for what he or she is and not expect much else. That’s what happily married people do. They put up with each other.

And now, a Shakespearean Sonnet. I had to write one for my writer’s group a few months back so here it is. I call it “Jeff.”

Jeff

My husband is a person without charm;

A quiet man who some may find a bore.

In crisis he will barely show alarm.

In joy his features vary little more.

But oh, how I adore this stoic man;

His countenance as cold as it may be;

For in the fiercest storm no other can

Assure me all is well, as well as he.

And when the house is filled with happy cries,

I spy a sweet contentment in his eyes.

Happy Anniversary, Jeff. Your kisses still knock me off my feet.

Let the Journey Begin

In 1965 (45 years ago for those of you who are not so good at math) God decided it was time for me to join the rest of His beautiful creation, and so I was born. My mom called me Linette. My 6 older siblings called me Nette (pronounced "net"), or more often "pest." I have always had an interest in...well, just about everything, as well as a lot of energy, ambition, ideas, plans... But like the Lovelace heroin "Betsy" I've always been much better at making plans than carrying them out. But I'm still young. (At heart anyway.) I may yet achieve a goal or two before my journey comes to an end. That's not to say I have not had a full life up till now. I've got a great husband (strong, stoic, stable - quite my opposite), 4 above average kids, and as of 1 week ago, a fantastic new son-in-law. Where will my journey take me the next 45 years? Your guess is as good as mine. Join me here each week and I'll keep you updated on my current where-a-bouts of mind, body, and spirit...all cleverly written and with no misspellings. (Spell-check, I love you.)
Let the journey begin!