Love and Marriage

I’m dedicating this first blog to my husband Jeff. As of last Monday, we have been married 24 years. I suppose I should have posted this blog on July 12^th, but in the first place, I didn’t have a blog then, and in the second place, that was just two days after my oldest daughter’s wedding and I was still recovering.

But having been married for a score and four years, and because I recently watched the love of my life walk our firstborn down the aisle, I have a few things to say about love and marriage.

Love.

They say “love is blind.” I’m not sure who “they” are, but I have it under good authority (the Bible) that true love “keeps no record of wrongs.” When you’re in love you see the object of your affection through a strange filtering system. You think their laugh is adorable, their eyes are amazing, and every crazy idea they suggest is brilliant. If your loved one wrongs you in any way, all it takes is one heartfelt apology and you believe they’ll never fail you again.

If I wasn’t in love with Jeff the first time he kissed me, I knew I soon would be. That kiss knocked me off my feet. And then he asked for another, and I was a goner.

About a year after that first kiss the filtering system began to malfunction and I came to realize we had nothing in common. I sang in the choir. He couldn’t carry a tune. I loved to dance. He refused. I had a clever sense of humor and told wonderfully exciting stories. He didn’t.

I told him all this in a crying fit one night and stomped off to my dorm room, certain our relationship was over. He called me the next day as if the “conversation” never happened. (I guess love is deaf too.) We were engaged a few months later.

Marriage.

The very fact that Jeff and I are as different as night and day is, ironically, the secret to our happy marriage. Just think about it. Would you want to be married to a person who is as poor (or terrific) with money as you are? Someone as funny (or boring) as you are? The good news is God wired us in such a way that we are rarely attracted to people just like us. Shy people fall in love with outgoing people. Disorganized people go for the A types, and funny people need an audience! That’s why I ended up with Jeff. “He completes me.”

In spite of this, living with a person who is good at everything you’re not has its drawbacks. I often find myself back in that “we have nothing in common” mindset. It’s inevitable. But then I remind myself, “This is what marriage is all about.”

My daughter found this quote recently: “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?” She thought it was funny. I thought it accurately described the downfall of most marriages. You have to be willing to take your spouse for what he or she is and not expect much else. That’s what happily married people do. They put up with each other.

And now, a Shakespearean Sonnet. I had to write one for my writer’s group a few months back so here it is. I call it “Jeff.”

Jeff

My husband is a person without charm;

A quiet man who some may find a bore.

In crisis he will barely show alarm.

In joy his features vary little more.

But oh, how I adore this stoic man;

His countenance as cold as it may be;

For in the fiercest storm no other can

Assure me all is well, as well as he.

And when the house is filled with happy cries,

I spy a sweet contentment in his eyes.

Happy Anniversary, Jeff. Your kisses still knock me off my feet.