Simple Gifts

Sometimes I can get really down. I think, “No one likes me. I don’t have any real friends. I’m just too weird and talk too much and think way too highly of myself. No wonder no one wants to be my friend. I’m pathetic.”

I call it feeling lonely.

But then God talks to me. He shows me that what I’m feeling isn’t just loneliness. It’s pride. I want to be popular. I want to be well thought of. I want people to love me.

If that’s not pride, then I don’t know what is.

After He shows me my sin, God calls me to repentance. He tells me to get off my high horse and come down where I ought to be. He tells me I am forgiven. He tells me He loves me. He tells me its okay. He’s made it all okay. Jesus has paid for all my shortcomings. Even my vanity and my pride. 

Then He tells me…

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the LORD is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Psalm 100: 1-3

This morning as I was praying about all these things I heard the following on my Christian Radio station. It’s pretty deep stuff, but I think I understood most of it. It’s by Oswald Chambers from this webpage: 

http://utmost.org/is-there-good-in-temptation/

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man . . .
 1 Corinthians 10:13

The word temptation has come to mean something bad to us today, but we tend to use the word in the wrong way. Temptation itself is not sin; it is something we are bound to face simply by virtue of being human. Not to be tempted would mean that we were already so shameful that we would be beneath contempt. Yet many of us suffer from temptations we should never have to suffer, simply because we have refused to allow God to lift us to a higher level where we would face temptations of another kind.

A person’s inner nature, what he possesses in the inner, spiritual part of his being, determines what he is tempted by on the outside. The temptation fits the true nature of the person being tempted and reveals the possibilities of his nature. Every person actually determines or sets the level of his own temptation, because temptation will come to him in accordance with the level of his controlling, inner nature.

Temptation comes to me, suggesting a possible shortcut to the realization of my highest goal— it does not direct me toward what I understand to be evil, but toward what I understand to be good. Temptation is something that confuses me for a while, and I don’t know whether something is right or wrong. When I yield to it, I have made lust a god, and the temptation itself becomes the proof that it was only my own fear that prevented me from falling into the sin earlier.

Temptation is not something we can escape; in fact, it is essential to the well-rounded life of a person. Beware of thinking that you are tempted as no one else–what you go through is the common inheritance of the human race, not something that no one has ever before endured. God does not save us from temptations–He sustains us in the midst of them.

I think what Mr. Chambers is saying is that everyone faces temptation. My temptation is pride. I’m going to want to be loved. And I’m going to get confused sometimes and think that I’ll find that love in the people around me. But when I realize that “looking for love in all the wrong places” won’t work, I’ll eventually see that God loves me, and that’s all that matters. 

And this journey…

from temptation…

to repentance…

to peace…

it's a gift...

Pride Goeth Before the Fall

I’m happy being me. I like who I am, and I’m grateful to my creator for the gifts he has given me. I guess you could say I have great self-esteem. Most days, when I look back at what I’ve accomplished, I’m proud of myself.

But as the Bible warns…”Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18 (KJV)

Many times, I must admit, I’ve fallen due to my pride. It happened again on Thursday.

I do not like making mistakes.

That’s actually an understatement. I HATE making mistakes. Especially when it involves letting others down. Naturally, I feel sorry for whoever has suffered due to my blunder. But in truth, a large part of my frustration stems from the feeling that others have lost confidence in me. I can’t stand the idea that people might think I’m anything less than dependable, efficient, and trustworthy. Because that’s what I am. Really…I am!

Do I sound defensive? That’s how I tend to react when I mess up. I go through a stage of denial. “No way. I didn’t do that.” Even in cases where my guilt is obvious I tend to check and re-check, hoping the error was an error. But no. It was me.

The next thought I usually have is something like, “Oh, that’s not so bad.” I try to minimize the damage and somehow justify what I’ve done. “I meant to do that,” is another great line, but seldom believable.

Finally, I have to face up to the fact. I messed up. I hate this part the most. It usually involves admitting both to myself and others, that I’m to blame. This is hard for me. That beautiful self image I have of being dependable, efficient, and trustworthy pops like a bubble, and my true self is exposed. The Apostle Paul knew the feeling. He wrote about it in that famous Biblical tongue-twister: “For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do…O wretched man that I am!” Romans 7:19 & 24 (KJV)

At this point, feeling completely wretched, I’m ready to say I’m sorry. I confess my sin to both God and man, (or woman, as the case may be) and hope they’ll soon forgive me. God always does, (see Isaiah 1:18, John 3:16-18, Acts 3:19, Romans 6:23, Romans 8:1, or 1 John 1:9) and the others usually do too.

Forgiving myself, on the other hand, is a little harder. It can take a while. And during that time my self-esteem is pretty low. But you know what. That’s okay. As much as I hate it, I know God lets me mess up to keep me humble. I need to know I’m not all that great. Any skills or good in me is a gift from God. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above.” James 1:17 (KJV)

There’s one last stage in this despicable cycle of humiliation. It’s when I look back at the experience, and see what I can learn from it. At the risk of boasting, I have to say, I rarely make the same mistake twice. Here’s what I learned from Thursday’s mess up.

1. I’m not perfect. No one is, except God. And He’s looking out for me. If He weren’t, I’d be making far more mistakes than I do now.

2. My supervisors at work are very patient and forgiving. They are a blessing to me.

3. I need to take a few extra minutes to edit my work before I hit print. Jeff suggests I use a technique the proof readers use where he works, and go through letter by letter, forwards and backwards. I may just do that from now on!

As they say, “All’s well that ends well.” That’s not a quote from the Bible, but it does ring true. Here’s perhaps a better verse to end with: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11 (NIV)

Amen!

A few notes about this blog:

As alluded above, one of my mistakes on Thursday was that I typed “post due balance” instead of “past due balance” on 60 letters. That was embarrassing and annoying, but some (Jeff) would argue, not worth fretting about.

Unfortunately, that was not my only mistake. In a moment of weakness and poor judgment, I also downloaded some stuff I shouldn’t have onto the Bookstore computer. When I complained to Network Services that the computer was acting strange, they told me it was likely due to viruses, and took it away for “disinfection.” This was also embarrassing, and even more annoying as I had those 60 letters to do over, and no computer!

Thankfully, the supervisor that got her letters a day late wasn’t overly upset with me. And my Bookstore supervisor was actually quite pleased when Network Services pronounced our old computer a lost cause, and gave us a new one. Again, I feel blessed to work for such kind people.

I’d also like to give a quick word of thanks to my husband Jeff. He was a big help in the writing of this blog, and in cheering me up when I was feeling down this week. He’s a blessing to me too.

And one final note, not about this blog: Tomorrow, October 11^th, Zack, turns 16. Send him a Birthday email or call his cell phone to sing “Happy Birthday.” Email me if you need his contact info and I’d be happy to forward it to you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZACK!